Always Love

There is always love, you simply have to look for it.  Not in the sense that it is hidden, but training your mind to see it out in the open...in the person next to you, the grasshopper at the door, the tree in the meadow.  Love constantly flows all around and through us.  Feel it, taste it, bring it alive in your life.

Open to Love

My heart opened tonight. Not in the sense as by a knife, or that which would explode emotions about the surroundings, but opened in a way that Love coursed through it. Love, at the purest and most energetic level. How the feeling of feeling overcame me. Not instigated by anything but stepping onto the grass. It first felt as if my chest exposed the beating heart to the world and the world accepted it and loved it. I reveled in the feeling for quite some time before it overcame my stomach. It overwhelmed me as tears filled my eyes and water dripped along my cheeks. I felt I wouldn't be able to hold on. I said to myself and the universe that I don't know how I could ever live like this. I feel it now as I type. It's utterly amazing - like i could cry and sing the most joyous song at the same time. I'm in Love and of Love. God's Love has filled me but I don't think that's it. I believe the Love was there, it has just now been released - or opened. I don't know what to do with it other than continue to leave the channel open with prayer and meditation. I will look for God's guidance in every leaf and the winds of this Earth. I will look for it in the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky. In the hooker on the corner and the pusher in the shadows. Love resides in everything and all Life. Love is everywhere. I will look and I will see and I will accept it into my life.

Love Is

Simply look for it and it will emerge.  Not in the sense that it is hidden, but train the mind to see it out in the open - in the person in the adjacent seat, the grasshopper on the door, the tree in the meadow.  Love constantly flows all around and through us.  Feel it, taste it, bring it alive in life.

My heart leapt

Once upon a dream
a reality it did seem
from the moon came a beam
of light to my eye did gleam.

Away so far I was
as the water in a river flows does
a flower once became
from a princess they were the same

Beautiful and lean she stood
in a Meadow within the wood
my eyes would not turn though it would be best
as my heart Iept from my chest.

Decisions

Everyone we have met in our lives has had an impact on what we believe.  Teachers teach us what they want us to know.  Preachers teach us what they want us to believe.  Governments tell us what they want us to do.  Parents teach us what they think is right and wrong.  Friends teach us what they think is cool.

All of these influences have conditioned us to see the world a certain way.

However,

Why should we follow the misguided beliefs and rules others make for us?

What do they know more than ourselves about how we should live our lives and what decisions we should make?

Ultimately, you know what is best for you.  You know it.  Follow your heart and do what it is screaming for you to do.  Let it out and see what happens.

Wanting

From a young age, specifically infanthood, I wanted.  When I wanted I cried creating suffering for myself. 

If I received what I wanted I would be temporarily pacified.  However, with time, I would want again and cry again, restarting the cycle of suffering.  If I was not rewarded with the thing I wanted, I cried harder and even harder until I received the thing pacifying my suffering, received punishment increasing my suffering or gave up extending my suffering over time. 

The very act of wanting presents stress.  The fear of not getting.  The hope of getting.  Emotional tugging of both producing a rollercoaster of feelings.  Worst of all, wanting and not getting or just the thought of possibly not getting produces sadness, suffering, jealousy, anger, envy.

It is not wrong to want.  It is not wrong to strive to get what I want.  How else would anything be obtained?  Understanding the desire and knowing why it is there is important.  To avoid suffering for a want, I observe my mind and understand its motivations whether it be for security, jealousy, pleasure, avoidance of pain, etc. Understanding any desire is created to avoid pain or experience pleasure, I can observe my mind's attempt to protect itself from both failure and disappointment. 

After fully observing, I become free of the emotional response to the want.  I am unattached from the outcome of the want.  And that is the ultimate goal, to seek my wants but be emotionally unattached to the outcome of those efforts.

As an infant or child even, I was not capable of understanding the source of my suffering.  As an adult, I can learn how I perceive my mind.  I can witness my thoughts and the emotions tied to them. 

Many of my loved friends and family fail to take the time to truly learn who they are.  I see them suffering for their unattained wants and I am saddened.  I am in pain for them.  I suffer for them.  However, I can see my mind's emotional attachment to the relief of their suffering and my personal pain is releived.  I understand that even if they receive the thing, they will again suffer for the next want.  I continue to seek an end to their pain.  This message is one of those efforts.  However, I no longer suffer for them at this moment.

I still often find myself in a depressed state.  Looking inward seems too hard.  I enjoy my lower state and refuse to look for the exit.  But just a moment, a quick breath above the surface encouraged by a passing bird or stunning sunrise inspires me to stop and quiet my mind.  I then, almost instantaneously, see the flawed protectionist strategies my mind is trying to implement.  Just as soon as I recognize this, I am free of its devastating effects and can Love myself once again.

Quiet + Observation = Freedom

The Diligent Ant

Grain by grain, builds his bed. 
Day by day, stacks the dirt. 
Hour by hour, digs the tunnel.
In an instant his home is destroyed.
His family of multitudes maintain support.
Love endures.
Grain by grain he builds his bed.

Reach that Place

To reach that place is desired.  For years of practice led to today.  The day that is better than the one before.  The day where vision exceeds effort.  The day to wake and become asleep simultaneously. 

Love Remains

Awake to a new day. Completely free to create. Completely free to venture Completely free to release the past. Yet, with subconscious dismay, continuation of routine seems a necessity. Romantic illusions remain hidden and effortlessly escape from an unguarded fortress once skillfully designed to enlighten a single life.

To love life is to love.

But why?  Why do we push aside our desires and passions?  Is it because we have responsibilities?  Are we too concerned with what others think?  Or maybe we just don't know what moves us and what gives us true life.  How can we know?  It isn't taught in school, nor is it learned by example from astute mentors.

What I know about passion is this:  Very Little!  The exclamation was intentional.  Passion cannot be exclaimed in words, not even if you include hash tags.  It is something deep in us all.  Passion is elusive for some but comes quite naturally for others.  There are many Biographies of successful people who were intimate with their passion.  It exudes from them.   Everyone knows, it is no secret and these individuals move closer with each breath, reaching and grasping for that one area of their life that screams Pursue Me!

I have yet to find a specific "thing" that drives my life.  I love my family but they seem more of a joyful responsibility than a pure purpose.  My family is a gift and a wonderful addition to my life.  I work every day to provide, nourish and care for them individually as if they are each the only person on earth.  I am passionate about my family but aren't most?

Of the many lessons I have learned in my short time, two stand out the most:  happiness doesn't drag its feet and time goes faster than you think - does that remind you of a country song?  Much time can be spent thinking and planning when it should be valued by living and loving.  While at this point I feel passionless, I do know from personal experience, happiness involves Love to a high degree.

Love the noun, not the scripted fantasy we see in our plethora of TV, movie and techno-entertainment.

Of these three, the greatest is love

Love by most definitions involves a specific person, but I feel it on a grander scale.  Feel is a good word to describe Love.  Even practicing loving-kindness for the time it takes to snap the fingers is beneficial. Each drop of practice is significant and, as the Buddha said, “with dripping drops of water, the water jug is filled.”

As in most things, the belief in Love is helpful before Love can be seen.  If belief is harnessed it will provide all that is necessary for a powerful existence.

Belief not in a person, god or religion, belief that fear can only be imagined. In the beginning there was only Love and in the end Love will remain. Love is absolute. Nothing else is real. All life is Love.

A Life

To save a life
To betray a friend
To intercept fate
To recognize 

A beautiful existence
A meaningful devotion
A purposeful responsibility
A loving child

My Bird Flew Away Today

Today my bird flew away and she will never return.

I would visit my granny often as a child.  She once had two parakeets that were kept in a small cage.  Our conversations would often go like this,.  Granny, why don't you let them out of the cage?  You sweet boy, if I did that they would fly away.  I know, Granny, that's what they are supposed to do, fly away to where ever they want to go.  They are to be free, they are to fly.  I don't ever remember those birds leaving the cage.  To a bird, flying is freedom.  I have never believed otherwise.

I have a bird today.  He was given to us by someone that didn't want him.  Who would give away a pet?  I have never understood those people.  A good test of character is by watching how a person interacts with their pets or others pets.  I haven't always treated my furry/feathery/hairy family members well, but I usually come around and try to make up with lots of love.  Pets are no different than people.  They are moody, messy and oftentimes hard to get along with.  But we always love them, take care of them and try to improve the relationship over time.  

The day I took our bird in I opened his cage and have mostly kept it open, except for that brief period when we tried to be cat people.  Geeez, that was almost a disaster!  He hardly ever leaves his cage anymore.  He loves his cage home.  As a younger bird, he would fly around the house.  My kids loved it.  He would be all crazy, smashing into things and making all sorts of noise.  He even got out of the house a few times, but we could always find him by listening for the squawking.  I do wish I could have seen him flying outside.  I just know he felt more alive in those few moments than any other time.  He is still with me and isn't going anywhere.  The bird I will soon miss terribly is much more beautiful and closer to my heart.  In fact, every other beat once belonged to her.

I first met this bird many years ago.  She was beautiful, but weak and sick.  She had been caged and abused.  She had never experienced the wonderful gift of flight, she didn't even know she could.  That was the only life she had known.  When I first got her, I didn't quite understand her plight, but I did know to set her free.  When I did, I was surprised that she didn't fly away.  She seemed content to stay.  However after a while, she began to open her wings a bit and I could see her start to wonder and more amazingly, she began to dream.  That was a beautiful sight.  I could imagine her soaring to great heights, but couldn't quite convince her she was strong enough.

As time passed, she began to heal her old wounds and took brief chances at flight, but not for too long.  The scars from her previous life remained and lack of confidence in herself was challenging.  I didn't know how to help her achieve the greatness I knew she could achieve, so I gave her more freedom and brought her to open areas so the flying wouldn't seem as treacherous.  Additionally, to my eventual dismay, I began to challenge her to learn on her own, with little guidance from me.  Which was appropriate in some respect, considering I'm not a bird, but I believe she began to develop a bit of resentment toward me for my seemingly indifferent attitude toward whether she stayed or flew away.  Nonetheless, the more freedom she accepted and more challenges she faced the higher she flew.  Confidence began to exude from her like a sweet fragrance.  Then something amazing happened, she began to teach other scared and weak birds to fly.  These birds also became strong and confident.  I was immensely proud in what she had become and truly grateful in having the privilege to be a part of her greatness.

One day, she flew away and didn't come back for a while.  These flights became more frequent and longer in duration.  I began to miss her and sometimes resent her for not wanting to stay home for longer periods.  However, her freedom remained and she was just so beautiful in the sky I couldn't bear to do anything to jeopardize the progress she had made in her life.  Then, the day came when she stepped up on her perch for the last time and we both knew she wouldn't be back.  I made a weak and altogether late attempt to keep her close in fear of being without her.  But to no avail, she leapt off and away she flew.

Not looking back was probably the hardest part to accept.  She was so much more beautiful flying away this time than any other time before.  As sad as I am without her in my life, I am happy she has the ability to take control of her life with confidence and surety.  She experienced such tremendous growth during our time together, there was nothing more I could do for her.  I imagine her joining other similarly free and confident birds that will continuously challenge her to grow and love life.  She can now fly anywhere she wants to go.  She is now free.

I still believe freedom is the greatest gift next to love.  We don't always know we are free.  Oftentimes we believe we are free but are actually imprisoned in the cage we built for our self and intentionally keep the gate closed.  If given a do-over, I would free her again...but this time I would make sure she knew I loved her and wanted her to stay.

I miss my bird

I must get out of my mind to get into my soul

I believe we have the capacity to learn and do much greater things that what we do.  I believe that many have had a glimpse of what is available to all but much more is waiting.  I don't know if we are intentionally restrained from the knowledge because we are not ready or that we just haven't evolved to the point that we can access it.  However, I believe we all are visited in some way by messengers attempting to help us.

I receive spiritual messages in my dreams.  Some help guide me in life, and others are ambiguous in their message leaving me to interpret the meaning.  I often wonder if I am too old to receive and interpret the message accurately.  I feel that I wasn't open as a younger me and missed the opportunity, writing it off as simple dreams.  I am open now and am discouraged when I seem to interpret the message poorly.

How do I know the appropriate time frame?  How do I know the correct actions to take when the message comes in parable form?  I'm not sure i'm in touch with myself enough to comprehend the meaning.  I close my eyes and open my mind only to find myself thinking about closing my eyes and opening my mind.  I must find a way to get out of my mind.  How?

The only place I am fully out is in sleep.  No amount of meditation has moved me closer to reaching that point.  I would love to find a way to consciously reach the unconscious.  Maybe I try too hard.

Free Myself From Myself

I would like to free myself from myself.  But how?  How do I know that I have imprisioned myself?  I haven't locked myself behind bars, have I?  I haven't chained my feet, have I?  Why should I think I am not free? 


If I want to go surfing tomorrow, I will go.  But wait, I have work.  Well, I can go on Saturday, after I mow the grass and paint the room and...well, maybe I'll go Sunday.  Sunday, i'm visiting my parents, and then a friends house for a baby shower.  I'll go next week.  But we have to do the grocery shopping, soccer practice, client meetings, yard work, birthday party.  Hmm, I'll put it on my schedule for some time in the future.


For now I'll get some air outside.  I will think better out there.  My neighbor is mowing his lawn.  He must have worked late, it's nearly 8pm.  Another is edging.  I know he works late, he is in sales.  I think I hear the ice cream truck.  Good thing they can't see me behind my fence standing in my yard by myself not doing anything.  That would look weird.

Before Me

The breeze blows and 

I write my heart

How I long for peace

I will...Courage

I will... No Fear

Along the road I walk until...

for it has passed and will not return

To this I say, Goodbye

Between Wind and Water

Somewhere between wind and water is where I should be.
The mountains are grand, the plains are vast
but my heart is at the sea.

Somewhere between wind and water I float along at ease.
Stresses fade, frustrations sink   
and my worries become distant memories.

Somewhere between wind and water I am free.
Gliding through surf, tightening the yoke
I feel my soul release.

Somewhere between wind and water is how I make it true.
The words I think, the thoughts I express
Come naturally in the blue

Somewhere between wind and water loneliness passes by.
Only to say hello and leave,
never to stay a while.

Somewhere between wind and water God has come to me.
Only there do I hear the words.
Only there to I feel at ease.

Somewhere between wind and water it all makes perfect sense.
I am free, one with the sea and
surrounding me is no fence

Somewhere between wind and water Love is what moves me.
It fills my sail, and supports my weight
It guides me to eternity

Wind

Like a river
it flows.
It doesn't worry
about where it goes.
Around a Tree
or over a bush,
it doesn't matter
it's in no rush.
No time to spare
no time to gain,
it doesn't count,
time remains the same.
For loss of love
or heartless sorrow
it doesn't mourn.
It will flow tomorrow.

Rejuvination

A dreary night fades into restless sleep.  A cold void encapsulates my soul.  A new day awaits where persistance and hope reside.  Only then can I muster the strength to continue.

A Brief Encounter With Love

With a wistful stride of beauty in the motion of a calm breeze, she enters his life. He will soon be awash with her energy and forever entangled in her presence. He will try to speak, but lapses into brief paralysis until consciousness is regained.

His soul hangs on every word as if each were to be his last. Birds quiet in awe of the enchanting melody. Graceful prose escapes her tender lips. Each encouraging syllable float effortlessly through his empty heart before settling to build a nest of certain bliss.

Laughter is her armor, humor is her sword. Stone walls are no match for her decisive assault. His crude personality lightens, his emboldened ego shatters, and all insecurities become insignificant. Her presence is all encompassing. With guards down, she delivers her sweet message into the deepest caverns of his soul. In this moment, they become one.

Like a tiny seed that becomes a great and expansive bush, so does his confidence upon inspiration by her gift. She believes in his spirit. She instills in him true grit and determination. She pours her essence into him. She transforms his weakness into strength.

Her actions are love. Her words are love. Her motivations are love. Her key is love. It was Created for her to give and she offers it with the passion of wild mustangs. It is expansive yet targeted and accurate. It heals his heart while gripping his soul. He is unable and unwilling to escape its wonderful entrapment. Never fully released, he will forever be connected and eternally blessed by her brief presence. He will then fall into wonder as she continues along her day, unaware of the mark she left behind.

Love Anew

You cannot taste my happiness, or feel
a little of the chill of your caress.
No word or metaphor can make it real,
nor song contain the truth I would express.

So do we equally tend the fire

as each becomes the one one needs to live,

replacing what can never be replaced,

yearning for what comes again, again?

So you have chosen me, and in that choice
alone I find my refuge and my voice.
Reality is made by our own will:
you made my world and hold me in it still.

Just as a meadow washed by rain
is relit by the dawn,
just so our love, as we grow old,
will each day be reborn.

All the love

we ask is here,
Delivered by ourselves,

but made elsewhere,

Each day we must decide to love anew
with Given strength that way to bend.
Reason cannot make one of two,
So faith must be the power our lives blend.

Sometimes I Feel Alone

Sometimes I feel alone, surrounded by others and all alone. 

How can this be?  I have friends and family, colleagues and networks, tweets and social invites.  I update my status, share pics, comment on posts.  I network, attend meetings and am a part of teams.  I am connected to many yet disconnected from all.

Maybe it is a bit of social ambiguity or a deficiency in intimacy?  Maybe its both, or neither?  

I oftentimes have to resist overly negative thoughts.  They ravage my mind with an endless array of doubt and frustration.  Uncertainty grips my life and instills decision paralysis.  Moving forward seems impossible but doing nothing leads to ruin.

As depression becomes a reality, I fight to maintain a sense of my former self.  Optimism is fading.  Laughter is but a distant echo.  The fear of losing what I once was is quickly overtaking my will.  I slide back into a defensive posture with violent bursts of anger towards those I love….and deeper into self isolation.

This can’t happen to me.  Those are the stories you hear of others.  How could this be?  It must be nonsense.  It will go away as soon as…..   or maybe when……  then everything will go back to how it used to be. 

Is that what any of us really need, to get back to how it used to be?  Am I just remembering the good of my past and disregarding the bad?  It is a potentially devastating trap many succumb to when life happens.  Brash decisions in the face of intense struggle can lead to even greater disorder.  So, I take my time to carefully plan a stable course of action.

Nevertheless, another day comes and goes with no resolution.  Continued hard work produces precious hope but the feeling remains. 

Every second of every day I seek wisdom in my toil.  Small epiphanies occur and when combined help maintain buoyancy.  Consistent prayer/meditation/reflection calms the mind and helps guide actions.  An intense focus on essential priorities helps maintain focus.  And then rest and pray for a better day.