Love Anew

You cannot taste my happiness, or feel
a little of the chill of your caress.
No word or metaphor can make it real,
nor song contain the truth I would express.

So do we equally tend the fire

as each becomes the one one needs to live,

replacing what can never be replaced,

yearning for what comes again, again?

So you have chosen me, and in that choice
alone I find my refuge and my voice.
Reality is made by our own will:
you made my world and hold me in it still.

Just as a meadow washed by rain
is relit by the dawn,
just so our love, as we grow old,
will each day be reborn.

All the love

we ask is here,
Delivered by ourselves,

but made elsewhere,

Each day we must decide to love anew
with Given strength that way to bend.
Reason cannot make one of two,
So faith must be the power our lives blend.

Sometimes I Feel Alone

Sometimes I feel alone, surrounded by others and all alone. 

How can this be?  I have friends and family, colleagues and networks, tweets and social invites.  I update my status, share pics, comment on posts.  I network, attend meetings and am a part of teams.  I am connected to many yet disconnected from all.

Maybe it is a bit of social ambiguity or a deficiency in intimacy?  Maybe its both, or neither?  

I oftentimes have to resist overly negative thoughts.  They ravage my mind with an endless array of doubt and frustration.  Uncertainty grips my life and instills decision paralysis.  Moving forward seems impossible but doing nothing leads to ruin.

As depression becomes a reality, I fight to maintain a sense of my former self.  Optimism is fading.  Laughter is but a distant echo.  The fear of losing what I once was is quickly overtaking my will.  I slide back into a defensive posture with violent bursts of anger towards those I love….and deeper into self isolation.

This can’t happen to me.  Those are the stories you hear of others.  How could this be?  It must be nonsense.  It will go away as soon as…..   or maybe when……  then everything will go back to how it used to be. 

Is that what any of us really need, to get back to how it used to be?  Am I just remembering the good of my past and disregarding the bad?  It is a potentially devastating trap many succumb to when life happens.  Brash decisions in the face of intense struggle can lead to even greater disorder.  So, I take my time to carefully plan a stable course of action.

Nevertheless, another day comes and goes with no resolution.  Continued hard work produces precious hope but the feeling remains. 

Every second of every day I seek wisdom in my toil.  Small epiphanies occur and when combined help maintain buoyancy.  Consistent prayer/meditation/reflection calms the mind and helps guide actions.  An intense focus on essential priorities helps maintain focus.  And then rest and pray for a better day.

Why

Sometimes we need to take some time and contemplate our existance.  However most times, at least in my profession, we continuously hit it hard to accomplish goals and meet deadlines. 

During this phase of my daily cycle I occassionally step back to see if my actions are in line with my priorities.  Oftentimes in this I will become emotional and begin to feel soft towards my life or a particular situation.

As an internal suppressor of feelings, I sometimes become overwhelmed and require an outlet.  I have chosen this blog as a tool to alleviate some of my emotional tension. 

This blog is not intended for any viewer, does not have an agenda, nor is it written with the intent of pleasing anyone in any way.  If you stumbled upon it on accident, please read at your own risk:-)