My Bird Flew Away Today

Today my bird flew away and she will never return.

I would visit my granny often as a child.  She once had two parakeets that were kept in a small cage.  Our conversations would often go like this,.  Granny, why don't you let them out of the cage?  You sweet boy, if I did that they would fly away.  I know, Granny, that's what they are supposed to do, fly away to where ever they want to go.  They are to be free, they are to fly.  I don't ever remember those birds leaving the cage.  To a bird, flying is freedom.  I have never believed otherwise.

I have a bird today.  He was given to us by someone that didn't want him.  Who would give away a pet?  I have never understood those people.  A good test of character is by watching how a person interacts with their pets or others pets.  I haven't always treated my furry/feathery/hairy family members well, but I usually come around and try to make up with lots of love.  Pets are no different than people.  They are moody, messy and oftentimes hard to get along with.  But we always love them, take care of them and try to improve the relationship over time.  

The day I took our bird in I opened his cage and have mostly kept it open, except for that brief period when we tried to be cat people.  Geeez, that was almost a disaster!  He hardly ever leaves his cage anymore.  He loves his cage home.  As a younger bird, he would fly around the house.  My kids loved it.  He would be all crazy, smashing into things and making all sorts of noise.  He even got out of the house a few times, but we could always find him by listening for the squawking.  I do wish I could have seen him flying outside.  I just know he felt more alive in those few moments than any other time.  He is still with me and isn't going anywhere.  The bird I will soon miss terribly is much more beautiful and closer to my heart.  In fact, every other beat once belonged to her.

I first met this bird many years ago.  She was beautiful, but weak and sick.  She had been caged and abused.  She had never experienced the wonderful gift of flight, she didn't even know she could.  That was the only life she had known.  When I first got her, I didn't quite understand her plight, but I did know to set her free.  When I did, I was surprised that she didn't fly away.  She seemed content to stay.  However after a while, she began to open her wings a bit and I could see her start to wonder and more amazingly, she began to dream.  That was a beautiful sight.  I could imagine her soaring to great heights, but couldn't quite convince her she was strong enough.

As time passed, she began to heal her old wounds and took brief chances at flight, but not for too long.  The scars from her previous life remained and lack of confidence in herself was challenging.  I didn't know how to help her achieve the greatness I knew she could achieve, so I gave her more freedom and brought her to open areas so the flying wouldn't seem as treacherous.  Additionally, to my eventual dismay, I began to challenge her to learn on her own, with little guidance from me.  Which was appropriate in some respect, considering I'm not a bird, but I believe she began to develop a bit of resentment toward me for my seemingly indifferent attitude toward whether she stayed or flew away.  Nonetheless, the more freedom she accepted and more challenges she faced the higher she flew.  Confidence began to exude from her like a sweet fragrance.  Then something amazing happened, she began to teach other scared and weak birds to fly.  These birds also became strong and confident.  I was immensely proud in what she had become and truly grateful in having the privilege to be a part of her greatness.

One day, she flew away and didn't come back for a while.  These flights became more frequent and longer in duration.  I began to miss her and sometimes resent her for not wanting to stay home for longer periods.  However, her freedom remained and she was just so beautiful in the sky I couldn't bear to do anything to jeopardize the progress she had made in her life.  Then, the day came when she stepped up on her perch for the last time and we both knew she wouldn't be back.  I made a weak and altogether late attempt to keep her close in fear of being without her.  But to no avail, she leapt off and away she flew.

Not looking back was probably the hardest part to accept.  She was so much more beautiful flying away this time than any other time before.  As sad as I am without her in my life, I am happy she has the ability to take control of her life with confidence and surety.  She experienced such tremendous growth during our time together, there was nothing more I could do for her.  I imagine her joining other similarly free and confident birds that will continuously challenge her to grow and love life.  She can now fly anywhere she wants to go.  She is now free.

I still believe freedom is the greatest gift next to love.  We don't always know we are free.  Oftentimes we believe we are free but are actually imprisoned in the cage we built for our self and intentionally keep the gate closed.  If given a do-over, I would free her again...but this time I would make sure she knew I loved her and wanted her to stay.

I miss my bird

I must get out of my mind to get into my soul

I believe we have the capacity to learn and do much greater things that what we do.  I believe that many have had a glimpse of what is available to all but much more is waiting.  I don't know if we are intentionally restrained from the knowledge because we are not ready or that we just haven't evolved to the point that we can access it.  However, I believe we all are visited in some way by messengers attempting to help us.

I receive spiritual messages in my dreams.  Some help guide me in life, and others are ambiguous in their message leaving me to interpret the meaning.  I often wonder if I am too old to receive and interpret the message accurately.  I feel that I wasn't open as a younger me and missed the opportunity, writing it off as simple dreams.  I am open now and am discouraged when I seem to interpret the message poorly.

How do I know the appropriate time frame?  How do I know the correct actions to take when the message comes in parable form?  I'm not sure i'm in touch with myself enough to comprehend the meaning.  I close my eyes and open my mind only to find myself thinking about closing my eyes and opening my mind.  I must find a way to get out of my mind.  How?

The only place I am fully out is in sleep.  No amount of meditation has moved me closer to reaching that point.  I would love to find a way to consciously reach the unconscious.  Maybe I try too hard.

Free Myself From Myself

I would like to free myself from myself.  But how?  How do I know that I have imprisioned myself?  I haven't locked myself behind bars, have I?  I haven't chained my feet, have I?  Why should I think I am not free? 


If I want to go surfing tomorrow, I will go.  But wait, I have work.  Well, I can go on Saturday, after I mow the grass and paint the room and...well, maybe I'll go Sunday.  Sunday, i'm visiting my parents, and then a friends house for a baby shower.  I'll go next week.  But we have to do the grocery shopping, soccer practice, client meetings, yard work, birthday party.  Hmm, I'll put it on my schedule for some time in the future.


For now I'll get some air outside.  I will think better out there.  My neighbor is mowing his lawn.  He must have worked late, it's nearly 8pm.  Another is edging.  I know he works late, he is in sales.  I think I hear the ice cream truck.  Good thing they can't see me behind my fence standing in my yard by myself not doing anything.  That would look weird.

Before Me

The breeze blows and 

I write my heart

How I long for peace

I will...Courage

I will... No Fear

Along the road I walk until...

for it has passed and will not return

To this I say, Goodbye

Between Wind and Water

Somewhere between wind and water is where I should be.
The mountains are grand, the plains are vast
but my heart is at the sea.

Somewhere between wind and water I float along at ease.
Stresses fade, frustrations sink   
and my worries become distant memories.

Somewhere between wind and water I am free.
Gliding through surf, tightening the yoke
I feel my soul release.

Somewhere between wind and water is how I make it true.
The words I think, the thoughts I express
Come naturally in the blue

Somewhere between wind and water loneliness passes by.
Only to say hello and leave,
never to stay a while.

Somewhere between wind and water God has come to me.
Only there do I hear the words.
Only there to I feel at ease.

Somewhere between wind and water it all makes perfect sense.
I am free, one with the sea and
surrounding me is no fence

Somewhere between wind and water Love is what moves me.
It fills my sail, and supports my weight
It guides me to eternity

Wind

Like a river
it flows.
It doesn't worry
about where it goes.
Around a Tree
or over a bush,
it doesn't matter
it's in no rush.
No time to spare
no time to gain,
it doesn't count,
time remains the same.
For loss of love
or heartless sorrow
it doesn't mourn.
It will flow tomorrow.

Rejuvination

A dreary night fades into restless sleep.  A cold void encapsulates my soul.  A new day awaits where persistance and hope reside.  Only then can I muster the strength to continue.