From a young age, specifically infanthood, I wanted. When I wanted I cried creating suffering for myself.
If I received what I wanted I would be temporarily pacified. However, with time, I would want again and cry again, restarting the cycle of suffering. If I was not rewarded with the thing I wanted, I cried harder and even harder until I received the thing pacifying my suffering, received punishment increasing my suffering or gave up extending my suffering over time.
The very act of wanting presents stress. The fear of not getting. The hope of getting. Emotional tugging of both producing a rollercoaster of feelings. Worst of all, wanting and not getting or just the thought of possibly not getting produces sadness, suffering, jealousy, anger, envy.
It is not wrong to want. It is not wrong to strive to get what I want. How else would anything be obtained? Understanding the desire and knowing why it is there is important. To avoid suffering for a want, I observe my mind and understand its motivations whether it be for security, jealousy, pleasure, avoidance of pain, etc. Understanding any desire is created to avoid pain or experience pleasure, I can observe my mind's attempt to protect itself from both failure and disappointment.
After fully observing, I become free of the emotional response to the want. I am unattached from the outcome of the want. And that is the ultimate goal, to seek my wants but be emotionally unattached to the outcome of those efforts.
As an infant or child even, I was not capable of understanding the source of my suffering. As an adult, I can learn how I perceive my mind. I can witness my thoughts and the emotions tied to them.
Many of my loved friends and family fail to take the time to truly learn who they are. I see them suffering for their unattained wants and I am saddened. I am in pain for them. I suffer for them. However, I can see my mind's emotional attachment to the relief of their suffering and my personal pain is releived. I understand that even if they receive the thing, they will again suffer for the next want. I continue to seek an end to their pain. This message is one of those efforts. However, I no longer suffer for them at this moment.
I still often find myself in a depressed state. Looking inward seems too hard. I enjoy my lower state and refuse to look for the exit. But just a moment, a quick breath above the surface encouraged by a passing bird or stunning sunrise inspires me to stop and quiet my mind. I then, almost instantaneously, see the flawed protectionist strategies my mind is trying to implement. Just as soon as I recognize this, I am free of its devastating effects and can Love myself once again.
Quiet + Observation = Freedom
