Today my bird flew away and she will never return.
I would visit my granny often as a child. She once had two parakeets that were kept in a small cage. Our conversations would often go like this,. Granny, why don't you let them out of the cage? You sweet boy, if I did that they would fly away. I know, Granny, that's what they are supposed to do, fly away to where ever they want to go. They are to be free, they are to fly. I don't ever remember those birds leaving the cage. To a bird, flying is freedom. I have never believed otherwise.
I have a bird today. He was given to us by someone that didn't want him. Who would give away a pet? I have never understood those people. A good test of character is by watching how a person interacts with their pets or others pets. I haven't always treated my furry/feathery/hairy family members well, but I usually come around and try to make up with lots of love. Pets are no different than people. They are moody, messy and oftentimes hard to get along with. But we always love them, take care of them and try to improve the relationship over time.
The day I took our bird in I opened his cage and have mostly kept it open, except for that brief period when we tried to be cat people. Geeez, that was almost a disaster! He hardly ever leaves his cage anymore. He loves his cage home. As a younger bird, he would fly around the house. My kids loved it. He would be all crazy, smashing into things and making all sorts of noise. He even got out of the house a few times, but we could always find him by listening for the squawking. I do wish I could have seen him flying outside. I just know he felt more alive in those few moments than any other time. He is still with me and isn't going anywhere. The bird I will soon miss terribly is much more beautiful and closer to my heart. In fact, every other beat once belonged to her.
I first met this bird many years ago. She was beautiful, but weak and sick. She had been caged and abused. She had never experienced the wonderful gift of flight, she didn't even know she could. That was the only life she had known. When I first got her, I didn't quite understand her plight, but I did know to set her free. When I did, I was surprised that she didn't fly away. She seemed content to stay. However after a while, she began to open her wings a bit and I could see her start to wonder and more amazingly, she began to dream. That was a beautiful sight. I could imagine her soaring to great heights, but couldn't quite convince her she was strong enough.
As time passed, she began to heal her old wounds and took brief chances at flight, but not for too long. The scars from her previous life remained and lack of confidence in herself was challenging. I didn't know how to help her achieve the greatness I knew she could achieve, so I gave her more freedom and brought her to open areas so the flying wouldn't seem as treacherous. Additionally, to my eventual dismay, I began to challenge her to learn on her own, with little guidance from me. Which was appropriate in some respect, considering I'm not a bird, but I believe she began to develop a bit of resentment toward me for my seemingly indifferent attitude toward whether she stayed or flew away. Nonetheless, the more freedom she accepted and more challenges she faced the higher she flew. Confidence began to exude from her like a sweet fragrance. Then something amazing happened, she began to teach other scared and weak birds to fly. These birds also became strong and confident. I was immensely proud in what she had become and truly grateful in having the privilege to be a part of her greatness.
One day, she flew away and didn't come back for a while. These flights became more frequent and longer in duration. I began to miss her and sometimes resent her for not wanting to stay home for longer periods. However, her freedom remained and she was just so beautiful in the sky I couldn't bear to do anything to jeopardize the progress she had made in her life. Then, the day came when she stepped up on her perch for the last time and we both knew she wouldn't be back. I made a weak and altogether late attempt to keep her close in fear of being without her. But to no avail, she leapt off and away she flew.
Not looking back was probably the hardest part to accept. She was so much more beautiful flying away this time than any other time before. As sad as I am without her in my life, I am happy she has the ability to take control of her life with confidence and surety. She experienced such tremendous growth during our time together, there was nothing more I could do for her. I imagine her joining other similarly free and confident birds that will continuously challenge her to grow and love life. She can now fly anywhere she wants to go. She is now free.
I still believe freedom is the greatest gift next to love. We don't always know we are free. Oftentimes we believe we are free but are actually imprisoned in the cage we built for our self and intentionally keep the gate closed. If given a do-over, I would free her again...but this time I would make sure she knew I loved her and wanted her to stay.
I miss my bird
